I've been seeing in my case of history repeating itself. I don't think much about blogging this down here, it's kinda personal but I guess literacy venting is the best way to let go of my emotions and frustrations.

I read "Tuesday with Morrie" awhile back, I think I should pick up that book again. Most of the nitty gritties in the story I've long forgotten. I guess it can definitely help me to understand greater what she is going through.

Having diagnosed with breast cancer some far back, she recovered but succumbed back into it again, this time much more serious than ever. It's obviously fighting a losing battle, the docs told them not to let her suffer any longer. But nobody bears to give the go-ahead. It's a heavy decision.

She can't remember much stuff, she can hardly talk, let alone recognizing people. My heart dropped the moment she put a different name to my face.

Losing your hair, your breast, your immunity, your health, your husband, your family, your dad, your dignity, your pride, the list goes all on. All these roll into one; I seriously don't think any woman any stronger can be able to take such further pain.

I can't imagine having your own kids cleaning up after you when you made a mess out of yourself. It takes a ton out of courage to accept yourself that sort of humiliation.

Slowly she's slipping away, but yet you are not able to do anything to help. Memories are the only thing you're able to grasp on to anything from her.

And to lose the ability to even smile is a very depressing thing to witness. She was such a beautiful lady. A real beauty. Who ended up in the wrong marriage. It scares me. Who can you trust when you can't even trust your very own husband. It makes me lose all the confidence in guys & marriage. Just who can we blame.